HeartBreak

Noah, Wyatt, Amelia, and Logan,

I have been thinking a lot lately about heartbreak. Maybe it is because over the past few months I have suffered some heartbreak. My children heartbreak is inevitable. You have 2 choices you can be bitter and close yourself off from everyone or you can have faith that things will be ok. Choose the second option. Do not close yourself off for fear that the other person does not feel the same way. Be honest, talk to the person it may surprise you. It may not be the answer you want but it is one you need to hear. Sometimes the answer is yes they feel the way you do and then there is a sigh of relief. If the answer is no then you have your answer. While your heart may break and it may fee like you can't breath please remember it is temporary. You will be OK. God will put the right person in your life when it is the right time. It may not be on your time line but please remember God's time is perfect. Then there is the other kind of heartbreak where both of you may like each other but it is not the right time. And that is OK! They may have things going on in their life they need to figure out before they can fully commit. You may have things you need to figure out also before you can get into a relationship. That is ok too. The best relationships are born out of friendship. Do not for a minute stop living your life while waiting for that other person to get theirs together. Live and if at some point your lives intersect and it is the right time and place then go for it. In the mean time remain their friend go out, laugh, have a good time. And when you do fall in love, love with everything you have. You will be happier, trust me.

Love,

Mom

Well hello there

Wow I cannot believe it has been almost 3 years since I have blogged! So much has happened, but where to begin. First the kids are doing great! We moved to a new school this year and they are all flourishing. One of the nest things about the new school is that it is k-12. We do not have to move schools ever again, which makes this mama happy! Noah is almost 11 and in 4th grade. Wyatt just turned 9 and is in 3rd grade. Amelia will be 7 in a few days and she is in first grade. Logan is 5 and in kinder. Noah has discovered his love of basket ball and is doing quite well at it too. Wyatt has joined the Y's swim team and loves it. Amelia joined a competitive cheer team last year and LOVES it. Logan is still figuring out what he loves. he is in gymnastics and he will start soccer next week. I have decided to go back to school and finish up my bachelors. I was laid off 2 years ago and have done some contract work here and there but nothing permanent. I figure this will open more doors for me. So far I love the major I have chosen and am doing well. I started this blog with the intention of writing down the memories the kids and I make. I still fully intend to do that along with any advice for them that I may want to give them later in life. So I hope to blog at least once a week or more if I can.

Where has the time gone?!?!

Wow it has been awhile since I have written! We are doing well. The boys had a great rest of the year at school.
 Noah received the math award this year for the entire first grade. I am so proud of him. In March his dad and I went to his neurologist appointment. We finally received a diagnosis for him. It has been eight years in the making. Though it was not what either one of us were expecting. Cerebral Palsy. I have had a hard time with this news. I was prepared for a few other things. This was not one of them. Honestly it was like someone had taken all the air out of me. I have come around since but it was a rough road. It just feels so finally. There will be no getting better but at the same time no getting worse. I just wish we could have had this information 8 years ago. But it is what it is and we are dealing with it. He is such an amazing young man. His story is definitely just getting started :)

And then we have Wyatt. He is a mess :) He placed high in his schools standardized testing. I am happy to say that he has been invited to apply for an exclusive charter school. I am on the fence if I want him to go, but I am going to apply just to see if he can get in. I am soooo Proud of him too! I am not quite sure where I get these smarties from!

Amelia well what can I say about my princess...She is doing great! We think that she has celiacs and so she has been on a gluten free diet for the last 2 months and she has done a complete 180! She has grown and gained weight and her hair has grown!!!! I have been able to do pig tails which makes me soooo happy! I have had to prepare her for the fact that her BFF from school is going to be going to a different school. Neither one of the girls are so happy about that. lol :)

And last but not least Logan- He is such a stinker. Little bit may be my fault ;) He is my baby! My last one! He is turning 3 in less then a week. I am trying to work with him on his behavior. He is a little on the  wild side. If anyone has any suggestions please send them this way. He is doing well at daycare/school which is a relief only gets in trouble sometimes. lol He is going to have an avengers birthday and I am so grateful that I have a very dear friend that is going to help me get it set up. I will try to put pictures up after.

And now time for some pictures that were taken at the little ones daycare

Wyatt age 6

Logan age  2 

Noah age 8

Amelia age 4 

My babies :) 

Thanks living

Day 5- I am thankful for my mom, who has been my biggest support. I honestly could not have made it this far without her!
Day 6- This one is for you Megan! I am thankful I did not run the Whiterock half marathon this past weekend. But that is my goal for next year! I want to do one before I turn 30
Day 7- I am thankful for my friends who keep me focused on school and graduating!!!!!!!
Day 8- That it is dead week at school so that I can work on a final project

Days 2-4

Day 2--I am thankful for Noah. He teaches me to be patient.
Day 3--Thankful for friends who make sure that your school work gets done (thanks AZ)
Day 4-- I am thankful for school and that i have the opportunity to go thanks to my Mom :)

Thanks Living day 1

I am thankful for life's little surprises. At school not going to lie I was a little scared that I was not going to pass one of my classes. But have found out today that I am....So that means I will GRADUATE!!!!!! and then knowing that you still run across someones mind :)

Thanks Living

At Church this Week the Pastor discussed Thanks Living. I know so many people did the 30 days of Thankfulness for November. I think I am going to do 31 days of Thanks Living for Christmas. I am going to be thankful each day for something that has happened that day, good or bad. 

What does it take

A Woman sits with a child. She knows every inch of him. She knows every bad dream he has ever had. She knows every scar he has. She knows his fears and how to calm him down. She knows all his first. She knows his friends and his favorite places to go. She knows what his favorite food and his least favorite food. She knows how to make him smile when he has a bad day. She loves him no matter how many times he tells her he hates her. She loves him unconditionally. We call this a mother. A mother knows her child and loves him more than she loves anything or anyone else. She will walk through fire for them and give her life. She will fight to protect her child from harm. Now here is the kicker this mother I am talking about did not give birth to this child, but you would never have known. A mother is born when a child is born even if she did not birth him herself. I love our legal system when it works. I have a very dear friend that the legal system did not work for her. I feel that the judgment that was handed down was the wrong one. I am asking for prayers that the Judge will change their mind and for peace for my friend. She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She is the kind of mom that we all strive to be. She loves her sons more than life it's self. My heart is aching for her today as are so many other of her friends hearts.

Tim McGraw

I read a post from a woman about how fast her kids are growing and that they will never be that same age again. How true it is. The same can be said for us too. When I think Tim McGraw I think of my boyfriend from when I was 17. I think of the times we shared. He was my first love. I don't think you will ever love a guy the same way that you love your first. I would like to look back and tell you Jas and I had a great relationship but we didn't. But man did we love each other to the point where it became toxic. And yet I still look back and smile. I think of the times I shared with my then bff Megan. How for Junior prom we all went back to my house and Megan was dancing with the wall and well her pants....How we spent our weekends at her house. Mostly because we could get our hands on adult beverages. How cool we thought were jamming out to N*SYNC and Britney. How those days I would not trade for anything. The heartbreak, the first times, the laughter and the really good times we had. None of that we will get to experience again. But when I think Tim McGraw it takes me back.

Megan and I decided we would share him :)

Sometimes people forget

I think people forget that I am a single parent. I do it all. There is no one else to pick up the slack. I am blessed to have my mom, but she is not the parent. So if one of the kids is up all night so am I. I still go to work or school or whatever else needs to be done. I can't pass it off to someone else to do. There are times that I just want to be left alone. Some people do not understand this. If I wanted to talk I would pick up the phone when you called. Please do not repeatedly call or text or email me. When I am ready I will talk but until then please get the hint I just want to be left alone. And it doesn't mean the I am "pulling" you down with me actually it doesn't even mean I am falling. In fact just the opposite. Sometimes I need to cut myself off so that I can get things done. And just to clarify if I fall I have plenty of people who would be MORE than willing to help me up.

Bullies

As a Mom I want to protect my children from everything that may hurt them, but I know I can't. Bullies scare me more than anything else. How are you suppose to protect your kids from them?  How are you to make sure that your children are not the one doing the bullying? We tell our kids that words do not hurt but the truth is they do. My heart goes out to the families who's children have taken their lives due to bullying. I will say that I am guilty of being not nice to people it is something that I am working.  I want my children to treat everyone with respect and to use kind words even when they do not want to. Words are powerful and they do hurt.

Friends

How do you get through life without them? Looking back over the last year I have lost one very dear friend because of my actions. At the same time he (God) has put 4 amazing people in my life. I promie to them no actual names! AB What would I do without my Bff?!?! You have a way of keeping me true whether I want to hear it or not! You have also helped me greatly in my walk with Jesus :) I know that you will always be there for me and I'll be there for you. AZ I love our Thursdays together! I love that our kids get along so well and hope that our girls will grow up to be the best of friends! I will miss when the semester is over and we will not be spending that time together. Miss S I have known you the longest out of these girls. I am so glad we reconnected again! My kids just adore and so do I. You are such a strong women and will be an AMAZING mommy. I cannot wait till baby boy is here and I can spoil him....Mel you are like my other half! I am so glad that God brought us together. I feel so blessed to be apart of your life. You are such a strong woman. I love baby C like my own and on the plus side i get to give him back. The next journey of your life will be a bit on the rough side and I will be there with you every step of the way. You are after all my partner in crime :)  These 4 women are the best friends anyone could ask for. I do not know what i would do without any of them. 

As for MS I am sorry. ( i know she sometimes stops by) For over 10 years there wasn't anything you wouldn't have done for me. You walked through one of the darkest times of my life with me and I am not sure how I would have gotten through it without you. I am thankful everyday for that. I messed all that up with one stupid thing. I should have come to you first before I did what I did. 

Mine and AB's lil Devils :) 

In some ways I think losing M made me grow as a person and not take for granted the friends I have now. There are times that I want to call her and have it just be like old times though I know nothing will ever be the same. But life goes on and I think if friendships are to be then God will have a way to heal them. If they are not then at least he gives you those good memories :) 

First week and Back to school!

Well I had my first full week of work last week and loved every minute of it. The people I work with are so nice and helpful! I couldn't ask for a better place to work. So now onto my second week and hoping it's just as good as the first. The 2 big boys start back to school tomorrow. I am excited and so are they! Hopefully I will remember to take pictures on their first day.

I just love when these 2 are being sweet to each other!

Noah telling me to get Logan off him 

Enjoying the last few days of summer :)

Working Mom

Logan playing with chalk :)

Well this Mom has just become a working Mom again. I was blessed to have a good friend who was promoted and recommended me for her position that she would be leaving! I had my first day on Friday and loved it. I am so excited to be getting back to work after 7.5 years of staying home. I am happy that I was able to stay home for so long after B and I separated. Now the next goal is to graduate in December and then hopefully in another year or so be able to move out on my own with the kids :) They are doing ok with the fact I am going back to work though we did have some tears on Friday when I could not attend the big boys talent show at camp. I know it will just take sometime to get used to me working.

Amelia dancing in between the boys :)

One Year Later

Wow I cannot believe it has been a year since I have posted. The last year seems like a whirlwind! I have one semester left then I graduate with my associates in paralegal studies. I am hoping to complete my bachelors online threw Texas Tech which is where I went straight out of high school. Now on to the kids :)
Noah is doing ok. He starts first grade in 2 weeks. I cannot believe that he will be 8 in a few short months. We are still dealing with all the speech therapy and feeding issues. I wish I could say that this part of our lives have gotten better but it has not. He has been in camp this summer and has loved every minute of it.
Wyatt will be starting kindergarten and he is so ready for it! He is so excited to have Noah's same teachers. He has also been in camp with Noah and has really had a good time and made some good friends.
Amelia well what can I say about her. She is still the princess of the house and has just blossomed over the last year. She has major attitude! Hmmmm don't have any clue where she gets it from. She will be starting dance this fall. She has been telling me she wants to dance like our friends Bella and Gracie.
Baby Logan is not such a baby anymore. He is a handful! He is so lucky he is so cute! We have nick named him the sweet and sour patch kid. Because just like in the commercial he will do something sour then come up and give you a hug and just look at you so sweetly. He is such a daredevil when we go swimming he will run and jump straight into the pool. Which gives this Mama a heart attack!

Look how big my babies have gotten

I am going to try to blog once a week and start taking more pictures. I want to be able to have something to look back and remember when they were little!

My Boys

Love this picture of the boys!

Logan my little ham at bedtimeWyatt my sweet boy

Noah my big boy he is AMAZING!

INVADERS

They have invaded our house!

These cute little furry creatures have finally made their way to our house! I will say the zhu zhu pets are the best kind of pets to have they have kept the kids entertained for hours!!!!

anger/disappointment? maybe relieved?

I wish I knew how to feel everytime i get the call that my exhusband is not coming to get the kids. Usually its with in hours of when he is suppose to pick them up. I wish that it did not happen very often or that the kids didnt know. I am not going to be the one to tell them. Even if it takes till 9 pm tomorrow night to get a hold of him. Like i said i dont know how i should feel. Part of me is ok with this. the other part is a little on the miffed side because i had plans and things i needed to get done with out the kids being with me.
I am trying hard not to hate him. He is after all their dad. I work everyday on forgiving him for waking up and choosing not to be a father. In church today the pastor talked about really learning and understanding God's word and then living by it. He does not have to answer to me but to God and that i am trying to take comfort in. I am trying to take a deep breath and really listen to what God would want me to do and to show my children. I am just soooo thankful at how blessed our life is. I know God has a plan for our life and that there will be a man MAN-enough to step in and show my boys what it means to be a Godly man and to show Mia what she deserves. For right now though i am very happy with where i am in my life.

growing up

Last nigh it hit me that all my babies were growing up! Noah especially. I held him back a grade because I thought he needed it. I was wrong! I am going to try my hardest to get him into first grade. He has blossomed over the summer like I never expected. He is such a joy that while i am sad he is growing up i am excited to see who he becomes. Wyatt has really come out of his shell over the last year and he is so funny! He keeps me laughing all the time. You just never know what may come out of his mouth! Miss Amelia wow over the last month she has had a word explosion. She is also starting to use her imagination and its just as funny as Wyatts. The both of them LOVE scooby doo.... So when she doesnt want to go to bed she tells me that there is a monster and scooby doo needs to come get it... Then there is baby Logan he is the one who has really changed over the last few weeks. He threw his first tantrum lastnight and i wish i would have gotten it on flim! He is talking up a storm his new word is uh-oh! I love when babies start to use that word.

Show us your life

So over at kellys korner she is doing show us you life for singles. SO here goes nothing. I live in Texas and i am a single mom to 4 wonderful children who are 6, 4 , 2 and 1. I enjoy hanging out with my kids. I also like to go out with my friends when i can find the time and babysitter. I am very family oreinted. I have full custody of my children. I am involved at my church and faith is very important to my along with honesty.